Info for Family & Friends
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It can be very difficult for families and friends to help someone who has a mood disorder. Even though you are concerned about your loved one you may also feel frustrated, fearful, and yes, even angry. These are perfectly normal emotional reactions to what can be an extremely stressful and challenging time in your life.
We know how hard it can be and we want you to know that you are not alone. It's important to remember that you need to seek out support for yourself while you are supporting your loved one.
10 Things to Remember:
Here are some important things to remember while you are supporting someone through the diagnosis and/or treatment of a mood disorder:
1. It's not your fault.
You did not cause your loved one's illness nor will you find a cure. A mood disorder is an illness, plain and simple.
2. You are not alone.
Millions of families are caring for someone with a mood disorder. You can meet them through peer support groups. MDAO has a variety of support groups just for families.
Personal voices
"When our loved ones are ill with a severe mental illness, they usually don't realize how impaired they are and can be very hurtful to anyone trying to suggest they need help. During such difficult periods, we must try to focus on the anguish behind their words. If we can feel the anguish, the hurtful words will fade into the background and when the storm is over, our proven unfailing love will be one of the strongest supports our loved one will have to help them through the recovery process."
(Sara, family member)
3. Your emotions and reactions are normal.
You may experience a variety of emotions from compassion and understanding to frustration, anger and even rage or hatred. These feelings are to be expected and understood but they should also not get in the way of your relationship with your loved one. Try not to take your loved one's behaviour personally. Remember, it's often the illness, not them, that you're witnessing.
4. Take care of yourself.
Set healthy boundaries and limitations on how much you will do. Make sure you take time for yourself and for pleasurable activities away from your loved one. Remember, you are no good to your loved one if you get sick too.
5. Find social support.
Dealing with a mood disorder in your family can be very lonely and isolating. Many of your friends will simply not understand what you and your family are going through. Make sure you find sources of social support in your community. We recommend MDAO's peer support groups or one of the family focused organizations listed on this page.
6. Knowledge is power.
Learn as much as you can about your loved one's illness and the treatment options. Don't be afraid to advocate for the best possible care on behalf of your loved one.
7. Remember that life is a marathon not a sprint.
Progress is made in small steps and sometimes there may appear to be no progress at all. Applaud progress and provide encouragement during the low times.
8.Remember that you are only human.
You do not have the power to change the neurochemistry in your loved one's brain. You can only do the best you can.
9. Develop a crisis plan.
Talk to your loved one about what will happen in the event of a crisis, under various circumstances. Put the plan in writing.
10. Never lose hope.
Remember that mood disorders are treatable illnesses. They can be cyclical so sometimes the going will get really tough. Sometimes you will feel overwhelmed. Just remember that the right treatment is out there. Stay optimistic, for you and for your loved one.
And, never forget, you are not alone.
- All Together Now: How Families Are Affected by Depression and Manic Depression. Health Canada, CMHA, 1999.
- Family Healing: Strategies for Hope and Understanding by Salvador Minuchin and Michael P. Nichols. Touchstone, 1993.
- My Sister's Keeper: Learning to Cope With a Sibling's Mental Illness by Margaret Moorman. Penguin Books, 1993.
- Nothing to Be Ashamed Of: Growing Up with Mental Illness in Your Family by Sherry H. Dinner. Lothrop, Lee & Shepard Books, 1989.
Canadian Mental Health Association
www.cmha.ca
Family Association for Mental Health Everywhere (FAME)
www.fameforfamilies.com
Families for Depression Awareness
www.familyaware.org
National Family Caregivers Association
www.nfcacares.org
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
www.dbsalliance.org
National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI)
www.nami.org
Mental Health Minute
(click here to read their treatment guidelines on panic/anxiety, depression, psychosis/schizophrenia, bipolar, achieving mental health or to review a summary of the project)
Mood Disorders Association of Ontario
MDAO offers supports groups in Toronto and throughout Ontario.
To find out more about our support groups in Toronto, click here.
To find our more about support groups in other towns and cities across Ontario , click here.
For more information call Tel: (416)486-8046 or toll-free:1-888-486-8236
Family Association for Mental Health Everywhere (FAME)
FAME offers support groups throughout the GTA.
For a list of groups and times, click here.
The Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA), Ontario Branch
The CMHA's Ontario Branch website has a complete listing of organizations offering support groups through their Family Members and Caregivers Resource Centre.
For their list of support groups, click here
